Leadership and Self-Deception (The Arbinger Institute, 2000)

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  • In the box, self-betrayal, collude
  • Ignaz Semmelweis - the germ that spread through organisation that kills teamwork and effectiveness
  • Everyone is just thinking about themselves
  • Thinking people as an object will just become a threat, a nuisance or a problem - a person or object?
  • Self-betrayal: an act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of “self-betrayal”; when I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal; when I see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted; so-when I betray myself, I enter the box; over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me; by being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box; in the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box
  • How do I get out and stay out of the box
  • What doesn’t work in the box: trying to change others, doing my best to “cope” with others, leaving, communicating, implementing new skills or techniques, change my behaviour
  • Seeing and appreciating people
  • Knowing the material: self-betrayal leads to self-deception and “the box”; when you’re in the box, you can’t focus on results; your influence and success will depend on being out of the box; you get out of the box as you cease resisting other people
  • Living the material: don’t try to be perfect, do try to be better; don’t use “the box” with people who don’t already know it, do use principles in your own life; don’t look for others’ boxes, do look for your own; don’t accuse others of being in the box, do try to stay out of the box yourself; don’t give up on yourself when you discover you’ve been in the box, do keep trying; don’t deny that you’ve been in the box when you have been, do apologise then just keep marching forward and be more helpful to others in the future; don’t focus on what others are doing wrong, focus on what you can do right to help; don’t worry whether others are helping you, do worry whether you are helping others


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